Author - Tim Patrick

Trust Me, I’m Your Friend

A few weeks ago, when I was having lunch with Taylor Swift and Ichiro Suzuki, Joe Biden dipped his head into the conversation and asked me how I continue to be such a snappy dresser and still sport all of my original...

We Will Forget

As a child of the seventies, my older relatives assured me that they remembered exactly what they were doing when news of President Kennedy being shot arrived. The event was still fairly recent, just a decade or so...

Your President Will Disappoint

America is “the land of opportunity,” where anyone who combines good old-fashioned elbow grease and a little bit of luck can accomplish anything. Many parents even tell their young charges, “Gwendolyn, someday you could...

I’m Hysterical, and I’m Wet!

If you think back beyond the pandemic, beyond the riots over police tactics, beyond the lockdowns and the resulting unemployment and business failures—I’m talking way back, like weeks—we used to worry about something...

Back to School, Or Else

When I was a kid, my parents made me go to school—get this—five days per week. Each morning, they would say, “Tim, it’s time to get ready for school,” and each time I would stare back at them blankly, since I hadn’t...

Your Mask Is In My Face!

The other day, I had a fight about wearing masks with someone on Facebook. I know what you’re thinking: “Two people can’t wear the same mask simultaneously, especially over Facebook.” And yet, here we were, two grown...

Why Conservatives Like Guns

The recent school shooting in Parkland, Florida, once again raises that pesky question: Why are conservatives so gaga about firearms? In the days following the gruesome attack, many news outlets and commentators...

The Aggravation of Complicated Truths

What causes ordinary, caring people to use outright lies and deception to promote their political views? We naturally expect such behavior from our politicians or corrupt business leaders. But the act of using...