Latest Articles

  • How to Read Coronavirus Stories Without Freaking Out
    The coronavirus situation seems to get worse each day. The six o’clock news used to start off with moderate predictions of impending doom: “Santa Claus is coming to town. Is your family at risk?” But now it’s wall-to-wall COVID-19 coverage, and journalists really mean it this time. Everyone is on edge due to the fear of infection, and it’s nearly impossible to read the headlines without doing wee-wee in your pants. (9 more paragraphs)
  • The Electoral College, Is It the School for You?
    The Electoral College has been a core fixture of American presidential elections since the nation’s founding. But do you know anyone who ever graduated from it? It almost seems like a scam. I mean, I pay all of these taxes, and yet the government couldn’t find the wherewithal to send me a cool Latin-encrusted electoral diploma. And don’t get me started on the quality of that college’s sports teams. (9 more paragraphs)
  • Trust Me, I’m Your Friend
    A few weeks ago, when I was having lunch with Taylor Swift and Ichiro Suzuki, Joe Biden dipped his head into the conversation and asked me how I continue to be such a snappy dresser and still sport all of my original flowing locks despite being, what, in my early- to mid-thirties? I laughed out loud. “It’s the company I keep, Joe!” Taylor laughed, too. Ichiro wasn’t amused, and simply tugged at his shirt sleeve. (11 more paragraphs)
  • We Will Forget
    As a child of the seventies, my older relatives assured me that they remembered exactly what they were doing when news of President Kennedy being shot arrived. The event was still fairly recent, just a decade or so earlier, and Walter Cronkite was no slouch when it came to delivering sober, memorable news. Yet some of my relatives were really old, old enough to have gone through multiple presidential murders. Why didn’t any of them ever mention the assassinations of Garfield or McKinley? (13 more paragraphs)
  • Your President Will Disappoint
    America is “the land of opportunity,” where anyone who combines good old-fashioned elbow grease and a little bit of luck can accomplish anything. Many parents even tell their young charges, “Gwendolyn, someday you could grow up to become President of the United States!” What a cruel, heartless, debilitating thing to say to Gwendolyn, if that’s even her real name. (9 more paragraphs)
  • National Conversation, Blah, Blah, Blah
    When something bad happens, such as a school shooting, or the shocking death of someone in police custody, or a tweet being sent out by the President, some politician will get on a podcast or interview show and insist that “we need to have a national conversation” about the grievous wrong that has been done. Of course, that would be difficult now, given that in many jurisdictions dealing with the Coronavirus, gatherings are limited to far less than the 300-plus million that would be required for an accurate national confab. But even during times of open access, such an event is fraught with logistical complications. (7 more paragraphs)
  • I’m Hysterical, and I’m Wet!
    If you think back beyond the pandemic, beyond the riots over police tactics, beyond the lockdowns and the resulting unemployment and business failures—I’m talking way back, like weeks—we used to worry about something called “climate change.” For my younger readers who might not remember such ancient history, the fear was that human activity was causing the global temperature to rise, which would lead to melting glaciers and ice caps, eventually causing widespread flooding of coastal communities and essential iPhone factories. (11 more paragraphs)
  • Back to School, Or Else
    When I was a kid, my parents made me go to school—get this—five days per week. Each morning, they would say, “Tim, it’s time to get ready for school,” and each time I would stare back at them blankly, since I hadn’t learned how to diagram sentences yet. Still, they were strangely compelling. Monday through Friday, I made the trek to the school campus, read my Sally, Dick, and Jane, and hours later returned back home, uphill both ways, in the snow. (10 more paragraphs)
  • Your Mask Is In My Face!
    The other day, I had a fight about wearing masks with someone on Facebook. I know what you’re thinking: “Two people can’t wear the same mask simultaneously, especially over Facebook.” And yet, here we were, two grown adults with a low number of medical degrees between us having it out over whether the general public should wear face masks. Like bank robbers, or skiers, or surgeons who rob banks and do cross-country skiing on the weekends. (16 more paragraphs)
  • Arizona Enacts “No Alien Left Behind”
    In a landmark vote that is sure to impact pawn shops and bowling alleys across the state, the Arizona legislature has passed the controversial “No Alien Left Behind” package of immigration reforms. Derided by some as the “Finders Keepers” law, the changes would allow state residents to keep any misplaced or discarded illegal aliens they find. (5 more paragraphs)

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